I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
