it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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