we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
