Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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