very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
