maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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