Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
