he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
where am i from again
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
