I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
