she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
