You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
