Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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