i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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