I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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