i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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