on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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