no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
