just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
