How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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