I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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