and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
he shaved USA in his pubs
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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