hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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