i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
