U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
