I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
