I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
