you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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