i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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