You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
