I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
