she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
