I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
