fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
