i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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