WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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