yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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