I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
