ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
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You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
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They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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