you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We need to get me chipped asap
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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