I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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