holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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