last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
