My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
