a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
