She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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