It's Friday. Sex?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
