Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
from now on my penis is your penis
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
