It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
