He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
As shirtless as possible
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
