I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize