Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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