Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
