She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
A bitchslap is in order.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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