A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
