So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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