What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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