i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
