i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
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he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
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I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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