gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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