Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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