Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
