does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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