It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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