Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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